Crocodile DundeeLion [Finale]

Week 7, Day 7

4 days left up here in the WILD Australia and just as I think I’ve found the snake in the room now, and I’m OK with the ‘spiders situation’… I’ve really seen it all and experienced most of it. 

This guy - What you're thinking...

So here I am casually minding my own business after a non-intrusive nature morning (i.e no spiders, no snakes, no centipedes, mice or cane toads…) nothing more out of the ordinary than a normal day up North, casually walking down the path from the office to staff area, when all of a sudden a BIG, grey, long legged, CHUNKY spider crawls up my ankle, up my leg, onto my back and over my shoulder...  I catch a glimpse of it on my arm, out of the corner of my eye – travelling at the speed of light with its 8 legs - I can’t swot it… I Jump, grunt, squeel and shake all my limbs in opposite directions - left leg in, right leg out, in out, in out and shake them all about.  Arms do the robot, while shaking my head and ruffling my hair…..AAAAAAAH!!!!! No spider on me…I THINK, I Hope.

THIS GUY! - Reality!!

An hour later I’m walking down the path again… there sits the little (BIG) shit, on the path…waiting… waiting for WHAT exactly??? What do you actually THINK you are going to achieve on that path mate? If you’re there the next time I walk past I’ll tell you what you’re NOT gonna achieve….LIFE!!!!

Even with all this natural drama in my life, I haven’t resigned as result of it. My calling has lead my path elsewhere, which is probably why I can see the humour in this wild side of NON-Africa.

Week 8, Day 4

Today I depart my wild life in the NT Bush. Bags are packed and car is ready. Just as the sweat starts creeping in I get in my car to get the show on the road, with my luck she obviously wont start… we flutter around trying to get any car into close proximity of where my little dinky toy is parked. She is jump-started after much hassle of the mini battery (my car is actually male - unless she gives me trouble...then she's female - in one of her moods again...). 

My final farewell of the Top End I stop at servo (petrol garage) and grab a double espresso Paul's iced coffee – perfectly ‘brewed’ in the Northern Territory and rated by all…it’s my first one since I’ve been up here and I am thankful for that, fearing that had I tasted it before – IT might have become a habit, and I, might have become… obese.

I get on the road thinking of only the good times past and the adventure that lies ahead, the hard work and determination. As I stop at the airport to pick up my mother I smear all the red dust from the car, from the top-end, over my legs and shorts – the bush brand. As I step out the last bit of wildlife leaves me as a dead frog falls out the side of my door.

Farewell NT, farewell Top End… It’s been good, it’s been REAL, it’s been…emotional. Another experience, another life lesson, another stepping stone and opportunity of growth. So for now, in search of success – we don’t take opportunities, we make opportunities. 

From top left: The wallabies... The swimming Buffs, Beautiful Plains,
 Nothing like an NT storm, Sunsets, Storm build ups,
SWEAT, Views, Open roads - not so open. Beauty.

Peace Out NT.

Crocodile DundeeLion [part 4]

Week 7 Day 4

Seen a few snakes this week, saw one speed-slither across the road (snakes’ version of running). Then the next day saw one cross one of the paths as I was running between rooms.

Just looking for a quiet place to nap

BUT, THEN, today, I went to go strip a room as guest had left. Starting on the left side of the king bed I removed all the pillows and pillow cases then I glanced over to the right side of the bed and saw what looked like the end of a rubber snake… you know the fake ones… I looked a bit harder, obviously being a bit smarter than the average bear I know that this place has no need for rubber snakes…this would be the REAL deal! This was the conversation that followed, in my head:

Is that a snake…? Hmmm I’m sure that’s a snake… wooah ...it moved… hmmm…totally a snake…I’m OUT…!

Left everything as is and walked out the door with long delicate strides so as to not disturb the new inhabitant but to get out of there as quick as I could! I see the fishing-guide pull up In the Land-Cruiser about 20m away -  HARRY…uhum..um..Harry … how are you with snakes…???

So he came over I showed him where it was and it ended under the bed… “that’s NOT a python he says”, “this one is small and quick!” and bolts to the door “you coming?” We left.

A few minutes later 2 staff come back to do some snake identification – I, stay away. I don’t care what it is. After some loud banging and air-horns getting blown… they couldn't scare it out to ID it later. So they closed the door and left it there till our fierce snake handler manager came back…Who then could not find the slithering little shite anywhere, so, guess which room I'm not going into anymore – EVER!. Urgh…. Almost worse than the wallaby brothel experience.

Note: been back to the room 2 days after ample times – no snake, yet.

Crocodile Dundeelion [Part 3]

Week 4 day 4: 
This morning I cleaned a guest room and being nice to nature, I was allowing a FG (fat gecko) out the door, keeping the door open for him (karma you know...), but, while on the door his little suction cups stopped functioning (probably because he was so fat and they couldn’t carry the weight).  He FELL OFF THE DOOR and onto my forearm - a big FAT Gecko fell on my small forearm…it felt like really soft warm putty…I Don’t know who got a bigger fright, me or him (I like to think him) but I did certainly jump – didn’t see that one coming but I’m sure he didn’t either – gecko EPIC FAIL.

Week 4, Day 6 (technically day 14):

Today, I sweat from places I never knew I could sweat from – I’m not exercising either, not raising my heart beat, I’m just stepping outside and taking some washing off the line, the sweat drips down my legs and my feet are muddy… it’s not wet outside (it’s just the dust, mixed with my sweat), I slip off my thongs (flip flops) numerous times because of the slippery sweatiness. My hair is wet, my back is sopping, there are beads of sweat on my arms and my bra is saturated.

I fold up sheets and leave body prints on them from where my elbow touches it, or my chest, or knee – there is not one dry millimetre on my skin – my eyes are sweating – I can feel the heat come out of them. I stand in front of the fan because sitting is disgusting – when ALL of a sudden the heavens open up and they LET. IT. RAIN! I would like to say that that was worth it – but I am unsure. The storm - EPIC, the amount of sweat we had to endure to get it...unsure.

Week 5, Day 2.

So last night when I got back to my room, very excited by the concept of sleep. I get into my bed  and look up when ...ON THE ROOF – are you actually KIDDING? A centipede.. actually makes me gag, feel sick…they are SO hideous! Once again try to shoo it out using only light... I can’t squash it as it is definitely meaty enough to make a mess… I shoo it along not entirely sure what my gameplan is, but it sneaks out down a zipped up side of the tent (hoping it fell out or found the hole. It wasn’t there this morning so here's to hoping!). **no picture of a centpeded has been added as I feel we need not see it again**

Night 2, I now have 2, maybe more geckos living in my tent, under my mattress to be precise. They poo everywhere. More gheckos less bugs. More geckos less bugs (repeat).

CaneToads are out in full force along the guests’s paths. The thing about working out in the wild is you gotta walk the walk…so acting totally cool when walking past the 100s of toads and not doing the little jump and squeal and showing that you hate them, 'oh these little critters..ha ha they're everywhere..' 

Tonight I hear the sweet sounds of fruit bats.

Week 7, Day 1 – [PG 13 - the following blog is for mature audiences only]

This morning is technically a day off, so instead of the usual put the news on and drink my coffee I decided to come sit outside, amongst nature – now if you have been following my writings we now might understand why this seems silly. 

But it rained last night, there’s a coolness in the air and a freshness in the plants, I just want to be outside - I'm actually an outdoorsy person. It's pure bliss.

Sitting here, minding my own business and enjoying my coffee,the bird noises and morning air. The David Attenborough in me comes out as I can’t help but watch these disgusting wallabies (one thing you would know about me even before this NT experience is that; my name is Ilse, and, I STRONGLY dislike Marsupials, especially Wallabies and Kangaroos on moving here I DID, however think the wallabies were cute). So, I have come to the disturbing conclusion that the staff village has been built on a Wallaby Brothel...!.

8am, enjoying my coffee I look to see this chunky, dangler, exhibitionist of a male wallaby, take advantage of a female (lets call her female A). I say take advantage because this whole experience was just too unsettling for me and there is no way it was consensual. He takes her from behind and holds her between his massive thighs while his little T-Rex arms hold her little chest – she can’t move, he grunts and snorts and she sits dead quietly - I can see the fear in her eyes (remember how I told you they can sound louder than bushpigs!!). He then gets over her and grabs another wallaby (female B) from UNDER the tent platform next to them (she is CLEARLY hiding). The same thing occurs, takes her, holds her and has his way, while female A stands and watches, he then leaves female B and goes towards A, who then - RUNS AWAY. Back to B he goes and female A comes back to watch. Every time after he leaves the female, she gets up and looks between her legs, sits up and shudders… it’s SO unbelievably WEIRD and disturbing!!!

All around the village there are females standing around and watching, one is scratching and biting her tail – which looks absurd. While on the other side another ALPHA (dangler) male starts chasing. Thought: do animals have testosterone?

This was the most unsettling experience of my life, I have seen lions mating, hyenas getting it on... but this… no no no, this was extremely uncomfortable to watch.

The general consensus in remote locations such as islands is that the staff areas can get a bit rough and rowdy, and the staff can be a bit promiscuous, but dear NT -  your animals surely rule this world.

After all my nature experiences I actually feel that this was the worst.